“Why do you want to study in America?” I asked my over-educated, alcohol-dependent Tamil acquaintance as we sat on the stoop of my apartment building in downtown Madurai in 1998. We’ll call him Selvaraj. Selvaraj had educated himself into a corner in urban India without the elite local connections required for gainful white-collar employment. He also had a drinking problem, had attained a chronic liberal arts infection (not conducive to income), and became financially dependent on interpreting for foreigners. The latter is fun in your twenties but not the kind of gig that allows you to marry well among Tamil elites, i.e., not a
How do we really know what he was like? It's not insignificant. We all have friends, and then we have friends... Ones who we would always do all the things that you listed for, others not nearly as much. Moreover, the now popular media narrative is the victimhood. Somebody else is always to blame.
James, thank you for writing this piece. What a story that’s worth digging into further.
I’m really looking forward to your new book and will pre-order it this week. Will you also have an audiobook version? I know friends who would love an audio version.
Hi Doc...David DeSouza here. I am loving getting to know this side of you. For obvious reasons, this resonates deeply. It has been a constant theme of our lives as immigrant Indian parents in the US, to find the balance between a) nurturing in our kids the best that America offers - risk taking, pursuing a passion and finding a way to make a decent livelihood while doing so and b) giving them the essence of what we grew up with in India - the powerful bonds of community, family and friend groups and the emotional safety net those provide. Looking forward to the book !
I think another problem with American culture is that we are trained to let authority figures handle things instead of handling things ourselves. Something is always "somebody else's problem." Individuals that step up to help in situations like this are doing so because of their own personal values, not community values.
Also i think that both viewpoints can be true. We each have a personal responsibility to not get so drunk that we can't walk two blocks home, but communities can do more to step up and help each other so that a drunken night out doesn't end so badly.
Yes. P Morse, badly missing the point. I read the Drs thrust here as: if you are human, isn’t that enough? The essay is about American Individualism, and the terrible issues that presents. A more cohesive society would still shame this guy for going off the rails, but not shane himself to death with indifference.
Wow reading this is a great reflection on how all or nothing the ethos of individualism has gotten to. I’m sitting here with a feeling of internal tension, worrying about what if I had been one of those friends? Would I have “sacrificed” my night to help? Which (zoom out) just puts a glaring spotlight on the issue. Why am I even thinking of helping someone else (in a probably 10-20 minute endeavor out of an entire evening) as a sacrifice to my own agenda? Individualism is so deeply ingrained and clearly, dangerous :( thanks for this piece!
Growing up in a collectivistic culture as Taiwanese-American, this story shocks and angers me. No one in my social circle would think of leaving one of our number behind like this.
In China, the friends would not have allowed this to happen because the whole group would be shamed by their failure to look after one of their own.
How do we really know what he was like? It's not insignificant. We all have friends, and then we have friends... Ones who we would always do all the things that you listed for, others not nearly as much. Moreover, the now popular media narrative is the victimhood. Somebody else is always to blame.
James, thank you for writing this piece. What a story that’s worth digging into further.
I’m really looking forward to your new book and will pre-order it this week. Will you also have an audiobook version? I know friends who would love an audio version.
Hi Doc...David DeSouza here. I am loving getting to know this side of you. For obvious reasons, this resonates deeply. It has been a constant theme of our lives as immigrant Indian parents in the US, to find the balance between a) nurturing in our kids the best that America offers - risk taking, pursuing a passion and finding a way to make a decent livelihood while doing so and b) giving them the essence of what we grew up with in India - the powerful bonds of community, family and friend groups and the emotional safety net those provide. Looking forward to the book !
I think another problem with American culture is that we are trained to let authority figures handle things instead of handling things ourselves. Something is always "somebody else's problem." Individuals that step up to help in situations like this are doing so because of their own personal values, not community values.
Also i think that both viewpoints can be true. We each have a personal responsibility to not get so drunk that we can't walk two blocks home, but communities can do more to step up and help each other so that a drunken night out doesn't end so badly.
Yes. P Morse, badly missing the point. I read the Drs thrust here as: if you are human, isn’t that enough? The essay is about American Individualism, and the terrible issues that presents. A more cohesive society would still shame this guy for going off the rails, but not shane himself to death with indifference.
Wow reading this is a great reflection on how all or nothing the ethos of individualism has gotten to. I’m sitting here with a feeling of internal tension, worrying about what if I had been one of those friends? Would I have “sacrificed” my night to help? Which (zoom out) just puts a glaring spotlight on the issue. Why am I even thinking of helping someone else (in a probably 10-20 minute endeavor out of an entire evening) as a sacrifice to my own agenda? Individualism is so deeply ingrained and clearly, dangerous :( thanks for this piece!
Growing up in a collectivistic culture as Taiwanese-American, this story shocks and angers me. No one in my social circle would think of leaving one of our number behind like this.