I wonder if this pattern is equally true for American women. As a single dad, I'm often the only man at playgrounds or other kid zones, and I've listened in on many conversations between women. There doesn't seem to be much filter there, at least in complaining about their husbands. Similarly, I know that transparency about income and other equity issues is a staple of feminism. My female colleagues were always much more open and vocal about workplace concerns than my male colleagues. Similarly, my male friends typically don't talk about any concerns they might have about their home lives, perhaps because they feel that it makes them look whiny or weak.
So I wonder if this is a general American problem, or if it might be more of a gendered one.
Hey James, thought I should chime in just to say I love your work! I don’t comment often simply because I rarely have much to add or argue with, (which I suppose speaks to some of the problems with online engagement).
I just had an interesting conversation with some friends recently about what makes someone “interesting,” and especially the women in the group complaining about how uninteresting men on dating apps are - will have to re-read your “Struggle to Be Interesting” piece!
This is fascinating and I look forward to reading your book. As an extremely private person myself (even by American standards) I was not aware that this is uniquely American- I suppose I vacillated between assuming those who lived without the privacy that I see as crucial to dignity lived with constant shame and rage or that they lacked the mental ability to see the shameful situations
Beyond excited for your book! Thank you for writing it 😊
I wonder if this pattern is equally true for American women. As a single dad, I'm often the only man at playgrounds or other kid zones, and I've listened in on many conversations between women. There doesn't seem to be much filter there, at least in complaining about their husbands. Similarly, I know that transparency about income and other equity issues is a staple of feminism. My female colleagues were always much more open and vocal about workplace concerns than my male colleagues. Similarly, my male friends typically don't talk about any concerns they might have about their home lives, perhaps because they feel that it makes them look whiny or weak.
So I wonder if this is a general American problem, or if it might be more of a gendered one.
I think that’s the longest piece I’ve ever read on Substack (I know, short attn span) and it was well worth it! Incredible insights.
Hey James, thought I should chime in just to say I love your work! I don’t comment often simply because I rarely have much to add or argue with, (which I suppose speaks to some of the problems with online engagement).
I just had an interesting conversation with some friends recently about what makes someone “interesting,” and especially the women in the group complaining about how uninteresting men on dating apps are - will have to re-read your “Struggle to Be Interesting” piece!
This is fascinating and I look forward to reading your book. As an extremely private person myself (even by American standards) I was not aware that this is uniquely American- I suppose I vacillated between assuming those who lived without the privacy that I see as crucial to dignity lived with constant shame and rage or that they lacked the mental ability to see the shameful situations